I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
