but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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