The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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