do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
