do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
