he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
