Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
