He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
