I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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