how can u be prego again
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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