I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
