Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Who died my cat blue again?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
