what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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