Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
