Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
