I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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