I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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