Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
