You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
