Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
the condom got lost in my hair
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
