He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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