Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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