I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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