I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I think my vagina is haunted
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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