Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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