Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
