You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
