I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
