listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
