She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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