I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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