She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
