Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
