he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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