this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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