do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
