whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
