I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
