Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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