Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
