we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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