Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
