I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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