We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
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