Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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