i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
