you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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