I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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