i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
