How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
