watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
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