i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
