i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
